S W E D E M A S H

In the kitchen around mid morning.

I turn the tap on and disturb the detritus that sits in bottom of the plug. Caught by those things that stops shit from clogging up the plug hole. I watch it whirl and settle. I do not put it in the bin.

Each day I always look out of the same window. I get the bus to work and I always sit on the side which the sun is on for the majority of the journey. This is almost certainly not true I must of at some point sat on the other side. It feels like I never have, the memory isn't there. I know one side in and out and it plays like a memory aide each time I go to work. Except for the bits where I'm blinded by the sun.

I'm not long for this world I said almost a year ago to date. Nothing has changed since then and I'm not sure it will. Maybe it's hyperbole or maybe it something which I have looked for but can't find. Sounds like a vague waste of time I hear someone say. But no. it's just not what expected. Not what I initially wanted. Nothing bad. All good. I'll keep at it. Stop fretting on what was intended, on how things should have been. They are only things you expected which aren't so. Tell yourself calmly that this where you need to be and this is how things are. This is how it is.

the bathroom is going moldy. I wipe the mould off and it grows back slightly larger.